I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
