just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
