i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
