Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
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I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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