Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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