He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
