Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
