He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Help. Why am I so naked?
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