The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
