I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
