You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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