Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize