Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I cut my penus on the lid.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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