My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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