Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
