She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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