Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
