He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
