Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
this will be a night to untag.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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