we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
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We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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