You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
