let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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