Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
