That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
