We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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