Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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