on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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