What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
