Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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