if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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