Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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