So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
