We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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