If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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