Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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