shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
