5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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