So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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