reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
