Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
