No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
