Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
