Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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