I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
