So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
