sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
