Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
