ya dads aren't the best wingmen
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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