New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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