I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize