Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
