I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
