I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
