the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
