He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
