Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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