My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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