she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
