he shaved USA in his pubs
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
