I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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