She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I want a musical about memes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
