My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
