If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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